Lately I have been thinking about all the Halloween’s that I can remember. You know the best and worst memories. Since I am only thirteen I do not have a lot of memories. Only about four or five year’s worth. By far one of the best was when I made my first haunted house. I was probably seven and I had just seen a commercial for Halloween Horror Nights. In the commercial someone got his fortune told and he did not have one so he dies. So I said hey I could do that. I believe that was when I really started getting into Halloween. And this was the start of many failed, mangled, murderous haunted houses and props.
Anyways I was super excited and immediately started making my own haunted house. We had some sort of deranged play set that had two parallel four-foot high bars. I instantly thought that this would be perfect. So I draped a sheet over that. Giving to the fact that it was for adults and two old people I probably should have made it so you could have stood up. Oh well I was only seven. So I did not actually have any props so I just got my sister to lay down with some fake blood I found all over her. Then you would go to the fortune-teller. I was a little seven year old wearing a turban and staring into a soccer ball. Your fortune would either be a seven of hearts of a jack of spades. I do not how that is someone’s fortune. Anyway at that time my sister would have gotten up and would clap a pair of symbols right behind your head. As hard as she could.
I mean we scared some people really good. Giving to the fact that we were only about seven years old, I was quite proud. Ever since then I had that little itch in the back of my brain to scare the living everything out of people. This little itch is still the basis of my desire to make scary and weird stuff and to build bigger and better haunted houses.
Next year I was ecstatic. We were going to have a Halloween party. I could use the deranged play set as a tunnel and then open it up into a bigger scare zone that had some props in it. And actors. Oh yes my friends would make great actors. They could dress up and then scare people. It would be perfect. I could switch up the actors so everyone could have a chance to go into the haunted house. But reality reared his ugly head. And his claws, teeth, tail, and murderous army of beasts exactly like him all with evil thoughts bent on destroying my haunted house. Reality can be very evil and scary when it gets mad. I do not know why it chose to target me that time but it did. Oh it sure did. And it did it very well.
It started raining at noon. That is enough to make any day worse. I thought that I could still pull it off. Um, no. One thing I learned that day is that no one wants to listen to you. You have to make them listen. And I had no way to do that. And when I say some way to make them listen I mean you have to be paying them and making sure they can afford food. Yeah. So everyone was running around breaking props and destroying everything that could get their little hands on.
Soon I had the whole thing set up and everyone sort of doing what would work. And then two people decided that they could do everything perfectly if only I would be their little slave. I was to say the least quite mad.
Every year I have either epic fails or have something go wrong. From vandals to thieves to rain to everything bad that you could possibly imagine.
And every year I try again. And spend more time and money.
So if there are any kids reading this I would like to say that as soon as possible build a haunted house and make some scary props.
And parents if your child starts to make a haunted house lock him in the basement until he forgets about it.